No Resolutions, Just Renew

As 2014 begins, I won't be posting a year review or resolutions to eat better, workout more etc.

What I will do is focus more on Robin and fulfilling her purpose. What makes me happy? What is that thing that keeps coming to me at night and keeping me awake?

As I get older, I realize that each day GOD opens my eyes and allows me to see another day is an opportunity I get to live in my purpose.

We all have a start date and an end date but while I'm here I want to consciously live in the DASH.

Live in the moment ...

I was driving my children to the mall recently and I had to go pick my husband up from the airport afterwards and the weather was bad and I found myself getting agitated and I almost hit the car in front me because I was distracted. I immediately began talking to myself calmly in my head :

Relax
Slow down
Breath
Be in the moment

I said this over and over until I found myself relaxing, heart rate lowering, my breathing getting back to normal.

You see, what I was panicking over was nothing at all. Worrying about time, traffic and weather was just going to have me end up in an accident, possibly injuring my children and leaving my husband stranded at the airport.
Most times people are racing to go nowhere.

I didn't want that to be me.

I have to be the change I want to see, literally.

Renewing myself each day means I won't carry over the residuals of yesterday.

I won't think about what others have said or done because that should be none of my concern.

My tomorrow isn't promised so why waste my present worrying about my past.

I have never taken my family for granted and I've always shown them my appreciation but I constantly take myself for granted and have never exhibited self-appreciation for who I am.

My renewing process will consist of living in my light, loving me the way I love family, friends, and strangers.

Really listening and honoring the requests of my heart.

I never did that before..

I never knew I could..

I now give myself permission and it feels good

A2B list #1

Now that Thanksgiving is behind me, I can really focus on some things.

After I go to the gym to work off all the turkey, mac n cheese, greens, stuffing, sweet potato pie, etc. that I hesistantly consumed with the voraciousness of a mother bear coming out of hibernation.

In this post black friday society world we live in, I decided to write down 50 things I'm thankful for:

1. My loving husband
2. A warm bed
3. My dimples
4. That Jeremy can cook his tail off!
5. Being able to take a great photo
6. My son's laugh
7. Having a creative mind
8. My children
9. For people that are kind to strangers
10. All four seasons
11. Having sisters
12. Every job I ever had...really!
13. My Cairn Princess...RIP
14. My Nook HD
15. Tattoos
16. The color Orange
17. Being able to smell cinnamon
18. Dark chocolate
19. Festivals in the Summer
20. Rainbows
21. Bumble bees
22. The Smithsonian
23. Hearing Dove's sing
24. Kombucha green tea
25. That my youngest son is so sweet and kind
26. Coffee
27. Shea butter
28. Sandy beaches
29. Turkey Chilli
30. Puzzles
31. My passport
32. Gold, orange, red foliage
33. Running shoes
34. Walking trails
35. Yoga pants
36. The way he holds my hand
37. Maya Angelou
38. Quiet moments alone with him
39. Butterflies
40. The way my daughter loves storytelling
41. Jazz music
42. Soy candles
43. Crosswords
44. Knit scarves
45. Puppies and babies
46. Board games
47. The Blue Ridge Mountains
48. Arts and Crafts
49. Red wine, cheese and fruit
50. For the struggles I face that remind me of what I should be thankful for.

Can you come up 50 things to add to the A2B list?

In Pursuit of Myself

As I sit in this airport terminal alone, I have realized a few things about myself. Its amazing what a little introspection will do, when given the time.
For one, I know what I want to do in life and the things that make me happy but I tend to do other things in hopes of getting there.
Why do I go around the corner, up the hill, stop at the store, pick up some items, cross the tracks, wait for the train to pass so I can go back across the tracks, when there is a straight path to my destination?
No detour signs, no snakes or anything else stopping me but yet still I have to go around the mulberry bush?
But this is good for me and there is a life lesson in every choice I make and every path I travel.
This is not a rough draft or a dress rehearsal... this is my life and I will live by my rules...not by what someone else says. I will step out and walk my path and not make the road of life harder for me than it has to be...I will be me and choosing to be yourself can be the hardest and bravest thing anyone ever does in life....

Walking The Dog

She was restless, anxious and quite agitated and frankly getting on my last nerves! Her name is Addy and she's not my pet.

She is ME.

My ADD (Addy as I call her) has my brain going in circles. Before I knew what was wrong with me I used to get frustrated and I couldn't understand why it was so hard for me to concentrate and why my brain would have so many things swirling inside at one time.

I recently read an article in Natural Health Magazine and it changed my life.

The article was titled Finding Focus and it was a wonderfully written piece on ADHD by Niika Quistard-Devivo and it spoke to my soul. Explaining a pattern of enthusiasm for idea after idea yet the constant struggle of boredom, procrastination and disorganization fit me perfectly and so did the diagnosis.

So while I was trying to find out what was the cause of my son's inability to focus and retain his school work, I found myself. That article helped me to embrace myself as a whole person with all my complex dynamics and components.

In the past, telling me to just relax and meditate is like dropping me in Russia and expecting me to just start speaking Russian fluently..not gonna happen. But what I did realize about myself and with most individuals is exercise will calm me and help me to better focus.

So that's what I did.

I started walking on a treadmill with a backpack on, set at interval training, taking my heart rate from 117-145 bpm for forty-five minutes.

It was exhilarating!

Afterwards I was able to go back to my work with calm and ease and I felt centered and focused. Realizing this as an adult has been challenging but eye-opening for me and my spouse. I eagerly look toward finding new tools that can not only help me but my son, who has it as well.

Because this is new for me, I am taking you on this journey with me and the tools that I acquire in living a healthy, happy life with ADD.

It all makes sense now:

1. Why I have a thousand ideas going through my head at one time.

2. Why when I get mentally overwhelmed combined with an emotional situation I shut down.        
Completely shut down.

3. Why I start something so enthusiastically and then struggle to complete it or stay engaged after completion.

4. In college I would procrastinate and wait until the last minute to write a paper, finish a project, etc.

5. Why I hate Burlington Coat Factory, TJ Maxx, Marshalls (no offense) and any hodge podge store. I like the deals but it overwhelms me. Too many different things and no order. I find myself getting irritable and ready to leave.

6. Never feeling like I accomplished anything.

7. Why my brain never sleeps or seems to rest until I collapse at night from exhaustion.

Are We There Yet?

Johnson's Farm:

So we took the kids to the farm this past weekend and they picked pumpkins, went on a hayride and got to go through a corn maze.

I enjoyed it but my husband and I probably would've had more fun if we had left those jokers at home!

I say that because when kids get over 10 years old they become way too concerned about what other people think and say. Now those same 11-13 yr olds like getting costumes and wearing them at home and when we told them they had to wear them to the farm to get a free hayride, they were on board.

UNTIL we got there...

All of a sudden they are looking at me and my husband cross-eyed!

They were embarrassed because only smaller children seem to be wearing costumes. (So!)

Now we have 5 kids with us most of the time because #6 is away at college but they are ages 11, 12,13,13,13 (proud blended family) SO as expensive as things can be we try to save as much as possible so they can have a good time but all of this effort sometimes go unappreciated.

Fortunately, it was a beautiful sunny, crisp day with plenty of families enjoying the farm. They eventually loosened up and had a good time eating doughnuts, drinking hot chocolate and they brought pumpkins home.

I took plenty of pictures and fell in love with sunflowers and daydreamed of living on a farm with a big yellow Labrador Retriever sitting on my porch with a pumpkin patch, a corn maze and thousands of visitors coming through my home daily and suddenly I had a headache and was thankful for my little life.......

If you're ever in Southern New Jersey go for a visit:
Johnsons Farm
133 Church Road, Medford,NJ
www.johnsonsfarm.com

 

Okay, so why now?

Well I have tried two unsuccessful times to blog only to get as far as one or two postings in 2007-2008
( Epic FAIL) but also during those times when I wanted to blog, I was going through some major life changes...MAJOR.
So in a nutshell I was starting a new career, going through a divorce, four children to relocate to another state, start a new job, got remarried, gain two bonus daughters, another ex- spouse to deal with, six kids now, relocate again...okay one more relocation...last time, custody issues, got fired, find out I have ADD and so does my child!
Why I didn't have a nervous breakdown is news to me, unless I did and no one told me.
Which brings me back to (how) believe it or not most of those challenges are behind me. I realized a few things: (1) I have ADD, which explains a lot of the problems I faced growing up and now I have the tools to manage it. (2) I can only do things that I am passionate about like writing, photography, jewelry making etc
(3) I have an incredible best friend in my husband who only wants me to do things I love (4) As I get older I know tomorrow is not promised and I don't want to live with regrets in life. (other than those past ones that I'm learning to forgive myself for)

So it was now or never....